Wanna Be PhD

PhD 2006. Now fully blown by the Postdoc Experience.

Location: My Appartment, Academic Nowhereland

Email: wannabephd@gmail.com

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Depression is Anger

I keep thinking about Depression, particularly since reading Psycho Kitty's post.

I've been there, I know the dark hours, the insomnia, the fear. All those desperate feelings. From 1998 to 2001 I was standing on a bridge almost every day, ready to jump.
I didn't.

That cognitive therapy book by David Burns helped a lot, yeah, but now that I'm over the worst part I really think I was so angry that I was forced to do things I didn't want to. And nobody understood what I wanted and who I was, so I felt lonely and desperate. I always felt like I had to integrate myself into a society in which I don't belong to.

Now I think those people where just assholes, and I am a person of myself, and I am fine doing research what only about 500 people in the world do.
But my depression was really anger in disguise, so I am wondering whether this is always the case.


Blogger admin said...

why are we all depressed? that's like the grad student/prof thing to do? Is there a club we could all join? Yeah I know it's not really funny, but in a sad way it is.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005 7:10:00 AM  

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