Wanna Be PhD

PhD 2006. Now fully blown by the Postdoc Experience.

Location: My Appartment, Academic Nowhereland

Email: wannabephd@gmail.com

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Disclaimer: I am not lesbian

Usually it is important to say it the other way round: I am lesbian. But I am not. (As far as I know myself by now, but I think it is a difficult topic). Why do I have to say this explicitly:

I was never quite sure if I am lesbian or not. I haven't had many boyfriends until now. Was very often in love and rejected. From the outside I seem to be a tough one. Tall, strong. Doing my things. Fighting my way through life.
But I thought maybe something was wrong. Maybe the problem was I was lesbian.

Several things made me think this.

For example, one of my friends at the university kept telling me things like: it is ok to be lesbian (of course it is), Professor X is lesbian, men often do harm to women (of course they do), etc. So I thought, maybe she wants to suggest that I am lesbian. Once, at a party, she even slept in my bed - we didn't have sex, we didn't kiss, but basically because there were too many people around. I was quite confused, but I knew I didn't love her. She was a friend, but not even a very close one.

So - surprise, surprise - it turned out that she is lesbian. (Which is ok, of course).

Even earlier on, my high school teacher once gave me a book as a present for my birthday. I must have been 13 or 14. It was a novel about a girl having her coming out. I was a little bit surprised, because she was my literature teacher. So I'd have rather expected some literary novel. I didn't take it to be a real hint, but it was confusing. I put it back into my shelf and never talked about it to anyone. Thought maybe the shop assistant had given her the wrong book and noone noticed.

Well, surprise, surprise! At the wedding yesterday she told us that her daughter is lesbian. (which is of course ok). The daughter is about my age.

And finally, my mom was so very much interested in a friend of mine, who is lesbian too, that I thought maybe my mom is lesbian. At least she never had any boyfriend since her divorce 17 years ago.

I'm fine with everything, but I just think that I am NOT lesbian.


Blogger admin said...

I'm not tall but I am generally the strong one in my relationship. Husband cries at movies and I don't. I drink beer, he drinks girly drinks (I like them too of course) he's fairly emotional. So it's ok to be a non-lesbian strong woman :) I am !

Monday, May 16, 2005 7:37:00 PM  

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