To forgive or not to forgive
Why?
I was just searching for some pictures in my old computer (got it 5 1/2 years ago, still haven't copied all of the data on its disk). I found lots and lots of pictures (most of them cartoons) which reminded me of my life 4 and 5 years ago.
What?
It reminded me how lonely I am. It reminded me of all the friends I had. In particular, one friend, one very close friend. In 2002 she did something to me that I cannot forgive her. I cannot trust her anymore. I didn't want to be close to her anymore. The year after she moved to another continent.
Although she hurt me like nobody else before did, I miss her company.
How?
I miss sending emails to each other, I miss talking on the phone for hours, I miss sending comics and greeting cards, I miss gossipping over a coffee together.
I miss exchanging thoughts and ideas. I feel like I haven't been creative at all since we split up.
Really?
Am I really not creative because the loss of a friend? Or is it that I had to write a MA thesis and now the dissertation which is different from undergrad life anyway? And this is not connected to the loss of a friend?
To forgive?
Remember that weirdo friend of mine? He was getting so much on my nerves that we've split up when I was in Another Town. Should I forgive him? Should I call him? Because I am lonely? I don't miss him. He's not going to tell me anything I would appreciate. I just miss someone.
Or not to forgive?
If someone really hurt me or got on my nerves so massively that I couldn't stand it anymore, is it the right thing to do to split up? Or should I forgive and call again? Even if it is perfectly clear that I will get hurt again within the first 5 or 10 minuter?
I was just searching for some pictures in my old computer (got it 5 1/2 years ago, still haven't copied all of the data on its disk). I found lots and lots of pictures (most of them cartoons) which reminded me of my life 4 and 5 years ago.
What?
It reminded me how lonely I am. It reminded me of all the friends I had. In particular, one friend, one very close friend. In 2002 she did something to me that I cannot forgive her. I cannot trust her anymore. I didn't want to be close to her anymore. The year after she moved to another continent.
Although she hurt me like nobody else before did, I miss her company.
How?
I miss sending emails to each other, I miss talking on the phone for hours, I miss sending comics and greeting cards, I miss gossipping over a coffee together.
I miss exchanging thoughts and ideas. I feel like I haven't been creative at all since we split up.
Really?
Am I really not creative because the loss of a friend? Or is it that I had to write a MA thesis and now the dissertation which is different from undergrad life anyway? And this is not connected to the loss of a friend?
To forgive?
Remember that weirdo friend of mine? He was getting so much on my nerves that we've split up when I was in Another Town. Should I forgive him? Should I call him? Because I am lonely? I don't miss him. He's not going to tell me anything I would appreciate. I just miss someone.
Or not to forgive?
If someone really hurt me or got on my nerves so massively that I couldn't stand it anymore, is it the right thing to do to split up? Or should I forgive and call again? Even if it is perfectly clear that I will get hurt again within the first 5 or 10 minuter?
posted by Wanna Be PhD | 5:44 AM
5 Comments:
My mother told me a few years ago that if someone is causing you a great deal of stress then they are not worth the friendship, even if you're lonely. It is not a wise idea to rekindle a relationship if you know you're going to get hurt. Hang in there you'll find good people soon. If it's any consolation--I'm in a similar postion--few/no friends and it's b/c everyone treats hubby and I differently because we don't have kids.
I agree with MGS. Its one thing to be lonely, but its an entirely different thing to seek an abusive relationship. Simply put, its not worth it.
I completely agree with the folks above, but I would also recommend letting go of the anger at them. I too have had friendships go sour, and was able to let the friends go but realized that for a long time I kept the anger and bitterness. It was tough to let go of my own shit about it, because as long as I had it, I still had some ties to the relationship. But it was liberating to finally let it all go. Yes, forgive, but do it for yourself -- not for the sake of rekindling a bad relationship.
well said Stewgad. That's actually been the hardest for me personally. Took years, but you're right, it wasn't worth hanging onto.
Thanks, Stewgad.
Yeah, forgive myself. Yeah, I guess I still have some ties to the relationship.
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