Wanna Be PhD

PhD 2006. Now fully blown by the Postdoc Experience.

Location: My Appartment, Academic Nowhereland

Email: wannabephd@gmail.com

Sunday, December 04, 2005

The end of Weirdo Friend

As promised, I wanted to write about the end of my relationship with Weirdo Friend

As you maybe have in mind, I had a troubeling friendship for a while. Every now and then I thought of calling him again, but - mostly thanks to Anastasia and Mistaken - I didn't.

He invited me to his birthday party some weeks ago, but I didn't accept. I told him that I feel bad about our relation and that I wanted to talk. Up to now, we didn't, so it's finally and completely over. And I'm absolutely happy with that!

The interesting point is, that last fall I found out what went wrong. I keep feeling that I'm getting to be an adult more and more because I get to know my own needs and wants more and more. I guess, to know what one wants is the first step. The second step, expressing the desires, is only the follow-up.

Regarding Weirdo Friend, I think what I was looking for in this friendship is an academic collaborator. And what he was looking for was a companion (or maybe a girlfriend; not sure on this). I got furious when he didn't help me emotionally when I went to Another Town last spring. I felt so bad at that time and I needed a friend who was willing to support me. I wanted to discuss my fear of the journey, of finding an appartment, of meeting the big professors over there, of having to give a presentation, of talking to New Supervisor.

He was so furious when I told him I'd go there. He kept saying that the whole idea of going to Another Town was completely rediculous etc.

I just couldn't stand him anymore.

But now, after things have calmed down, I think it is just that the two of us were looking for different things. Different things in life and different things in a friendship. He is not interested in an academic carreer (he is not interessted in any career). And I do not share his spare time activities at all. We even disagree on the types of caf├ęs we like.

I am so glad I know myself better now. And I am happy that I do not have to have fights with him without knowing the reasons for the disagreement.


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