Wanna Be PhD

PhD 2006. Now fully blown by the Postdoc Experience.

Location: My Appartment, Academic Nowhereland

Email: wannabephd@gmail.com

Thursday, July 14, 2005

The Unforgiven

Thank you all on your comments. Yes, you are absolutely right. I am grown up by now. This means I know what I need and I know what harms me. It is only wise to avoid the things which harm or hurt me (like Ex Supervisor, Ex My Mr Perfect, Weirdo Friend).
I did not call these people just because I was lonely.
I sort of have a new friend over here. She's my brother's ex girlfriend. I like her. She's very friendly and she wants to be my friend, too.

I think one of my long-standing problems was/is that I always think I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough to be friends with certain people (like Ex My Mr Perfect), I'm not good enough to be a "good student" (like Ex Supervisor). I have thought so often that I am not cool and that all my friends are really shit people. I so often felt that I am a second class person. I thought that if I only made it to be friends with some of the Cool Guys I would be "better".

I think I now really tackle this problem. I have New Supervisor now who is happy that I am her student. Who thinks my research is interesting and who believes that I'll be able to finish the dissertation. I understand now (thanks to your comments) that I am worth more that running after Ex My Mr Perfect. I do not deserve this kind of behavior!! And I don't call people who I didn't like in the first place in the deepest corner of my heart like Weirdo Friend just because I'm lonely.

I start to think that I am a "cool" person because I am the way I am. I am doing the things I do because I like them (like my research, like the books I read, like blogging etc). And this is cool. If some people think it is stupid, it is their problem, not mine.


Blogger admin said...

Good for you, I'm happy for you! Too bad you didn't live in my town, you could call me, I'm pretty cool :) hehe

Friday, July 15, 2005 7:14:00 AM  
Blogger Wanna Be PhD said...

Yeah, too bad. You're really cool, at least your blog.

Friday, July 15, 2005 6:06:00 PM  

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