The Unforgiven

Thank you all on your comments. Yes, you are absolutely right. I am grown up by now. This means I know what I need and I know what harms me. It is only wise to avoid the things which harm or hurt me (like Ex Supervisor, Ex My Mr Perfect, Weirdo Friend).
I did not call these people just because I was lonely.
I sort of have a new friend over here. She's my brother's ex girlfriend. I like her. She's very friendly and she wants to be my friend, too.

I think one of my long-standing problems was/is that I always think I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough to be friends with certain people (like Ex My Mr Perfect), I'm not good enough to be a "good student" (like Ex Supervisor). I have thought so often that I am not cool and that all my friends are really shit people. I so often felt that I am a second class person. I thought that if I only made it to be friends with some of the Cool Guys I would be "better".

I think I now really tackle this problem. I have New Supervisor now who is happy that I am her student. Who thinks my research is interesting and who believes that I'll be able to finish the dissertation. I understand now (thanks to your comments) that I am worth more that running after Ex My Mr Perfect. I do not deserve this kind of behavior!! And I don't call people who I didn't like in the first place in the deepest corner of my heart like Weirdo Friend just because I'm lonely.

I start to think that I am a "cool" person because I am the way I am. I am doing the things I do because I like them (like my research, like the books I read, like blogging etc). And this is cool. If some people think it is stupid, it is their problem, not mine.