Dissertation

Today, I submitted my final draft to my comittee. Let's see what happens next. They're going to take a look at if within the next 3-5 weeks, and then maybe I will have to rewrite some little parts.

It seems pretty unreal. I have been struggling with this for so long, I just can't get it that it's over.

(Yes, I am fucking tired! Didn't get to sleep last night.)

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I will now start to write the introduction (short) and the conclusion (short) of the thesis.
I will start printing later this night.

I hope I have the power to tackle those *last* bits.

In 5 years, or in 10

will I think of this final days as romantic?

Exactly 4 years ago I started to work at a company. It didn't fell romantic at all, but now it does. I remeber when I was there for the interview. My mom drove me there and we had a coffe afterwards. And I remember my last day when I got a huge bunch of flowers and then met with a friend at exactly the same cafe (-you guessed it, it is close to the office building-).

At that time, did I feel that I was young? That I had every chance? That my life was starting?
No, I don't think so. Rather, I was scared. I had just completed my MA thesis and was waiting for the defense. I was shocked by the people who worked at the office. Communication was very difficult for me at that time. It was exhausting for me to interact with those colleagues.

I think I am more mature now. I wouldn't mind working at an office now. And I would have no problems with interaction. Now I know these are just ordinary people. And that I am quite ordinary as well, except for my research interests. But, so what. Other people are interested in sports, I am interested in research. One doesn't have to share everything.

Now I feel that my life is starting. I am not scared at all. I know I can make the money I need. I feel like nothing bad can happen to me, like: I am able to handle all sorts of situiations. Getting a job, applying for a grant, dealing with extreme personalities, moving to a foreign country, finding an apartment, etc.

Somehow, If I think of it this way, it is not the content of the dissertation that shaped my character during grad school life. Rather, it is the exposure to all sorts of unpleasant situations which I really managed to cope with. Guess grad school was a lesson for life I don't want to miss.

I'm dreaming of a white christmas...

No. I'm dreaming of a completed dissertation. Still.
Still revising a chapter. Not the last one.
Maybe I'll be done by tomorrow morning. Hopefully.

One thing that occured to me during the last week is that I finally got over with my problems regarding the English language. Now I have caught myself writing and thinking at the same time!! This is really cool! Because this makes life easier quite a bit!! I do not have to pay attention too much on formulating sentences. I guess it still does take a wee bit longer than in my native language, but it isn't as painful as it was.

Bed time?

Is 3 a.m. a reasonable bed time for a girl that ought to be finished with her thesis tomorrow? Or should that girl go on and finish the paragraph and thereby the chapter she is revising? Leving less to do for tomorrow?

New York

I have no idea why, but right now I am dreaming of going on a city trip to New York. I have never been there before. I have never wanted to go there before. But right now, it seems as the ideal thing to to.
Maybe it is because I have been working for 12 hours per day the last couple of weeks. And New York seems the place where live goes on. Where things happen.

Where my readers are

And I always thought I am not popular ;-)

Follow up discussion on school meme

[I know I should be working, but this is just to get me more concentrated. I spell out my thoughts]

I think these school memes that are going around are really, really interesting. Because they are so similar in a way. Everyone was happy in kindergarten and primary school. And everybody had problems emerging in junior high/high school. Does this have smething to do with puberty? Is it te case that it is more difficult to be bright for girls than for boys? Have gender stereotypes caused all those problems for us?

An interesting article I have found on this topic some months ago is here: Gender and Genius.

I wonder what you think. Is being "the brain" harder for girls than for boys? If so, why should it be?

Oh no, slept late!

Woke up at 1 p.m.
Wanna watch TV in the afternoon.
It is Sunday already. Want to be finished today.
Guess I won't make it.
This seems like a bad start of the day.

Good girl

I was a good girl today. I worked. But I have to do a couple of things more.
I am tired. I want to sleep. I want to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

I have to tell me: the best dissertation is the written dissertation. I am strong. I am powerful. I can do these few more paragraphs. Everything will be fine. There is no other book on this topic, so everything I do will be fine.
I am strong. I can do this.

puh. I hope this gets me through the revision of the next paragraph.

Food

But I did buy some oranges today instead of chocolate.

School meme

Via Profgrrrrl and Anastasia

Kindergarten
I was the fat one with the foreign accent. Everyone was scared of my mom b/c they didn't understand her.

Primary school
I remember the first day the teacher asked us what we wanted to learn. I said I wanted to learn maths b/c I could do the reading and the writing already.
I thought it was fun. School was just a personal amusement for me. But I never understood why they wanted me to practise my handwriting. I thought the important thing was that the letters were written, not that they were beautiful.

Junior high
Straight A student. Started smoking and drinkng when 13. Was really one of the cooles gals.

High school
Got depressed. Very very depressed. Still straight A student. Always very tired b/c I went to bed at 2 - 3am. Being dead tired was the only way to survive the lessons. Otherwise it was unbearable. Hated my class. Won maths and latin competition.

College
Very busy, quite depressed.

Grad school
Lonely. Spent almost the entire time alone in my apartment working on the thesis.

Thesis status

I feel like I am working like hell. I am correcting my chapters. Adding references. Adding examples. Polishing the English.
I am totally ehausted. Dead tired.
I am eating. I keep eating. Everything. This is bad. I gow fat. Bad for my spine. Bad for my health. Bad for my feeling.

I guess I am stressed?

I really really really want to be finished by Sunday, take Monday off, print on Tuesday and hand it in on Wednesday. I really want.