Wanna Be PhD

PhD 2006. Now fully blown by the Postdoc Experience.

Location: My Appartment, Academic Nowhereland

Email: wannabephd@gmail.com

Sunday, November 28, 2004

X-mas horror

I am the biggest x-mas hater ever. Last year I smashed the Advent wreath my mom gave me as a present. Today, the awfulness is no longer to avoid. They started playing "Last Christmas" from Wham on the radio. Soon they will have it every twenty minutes.
I hate this song!
I hate all christmas songs!

The city is full of glowing christmas trees and christmas lights. Yuck!
And on every corner there is a christmas market. The first ones have opended two weeks ago. It is really hard to get through the city without seeing or hearing them.

On Saturday, I met a Santa when I was shopping for food.

I absolutely have no x-mas decoration in my appartment. I don't even want to celebrate christmas eve, but my family puts pressure on me.

And I'm pissed that it's dark all the time. The sun goes down at about 4:15 pm. Getting worse every day for the whole next month.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Fish Fingers

Today I bought fish fingers. Not the usual ones, but the ones for adults. They differ from the usual ones in size (the ones for adults are squares) and they come with different crumbs. I chose parmesan-egg crumbs.

I don't eat fish very often and I do not cook. So I thought it might be a good idea to have some fish. I am a vegetarian and I do not eat tofu (because you have to prepare it somehow), so I really felt obliged. And the picture of the fish fingers for adults looked delicious.

BUT: Now, about 12 hours later, my belly still aches and my appartment smells horrible!!!!! I didn't even finish my serving. This is VERY unusal for me.


Remember: eat the usual fish fingers or leave it.

Fun week

Tomorrow, I will go to a small theater. Hopefully I will get to know another single male academic there. A New Mr Perfect. The real My Mr Perfect doesn't seem to want dating me.

Today, one of My Supervisors asked me to hand in my presentation next week. Doesn't she know I am thinking of nothing else? Did she want to put pressure on me?

I'm planning to go out on Friday, too. To a bar. Alone. And maybe on Sunday.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

I did...

hoover my living room. BEHIND the sofa. Even removed the carpet!

And now, heading for a swim.

Friday, November 19, 2004

As for boots,

I tried them on My Mr Perfect last time I saw him. I wore quite a short black skirt with them.
I think he got nervous.....

Time for another round of self-punishment

  • STOP eating. ( I had 5 joghurts today, pasta, two cheese sandwiches and a huge glass of sugo)
  • exercise. go and swim tomorrow!
  • clean the apartment. hoover it!!
  • clean the desk. pick up all the papers and file them. ALL the papers. then clean the surface.
  • unpack suitcase that is lying in the middle of the living room since last week end when I returned from the Very Small Conference
  • WORK.

Why can't I enjoy my week end?

Very cool google

This is a new feature of google, namely, scholarly google.
Find all the downloadables you ever wanted!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004


I've read the stuff about the national novel writing month. Fortunately, it is allowed to write in a language different from English. But, as this is only going on in November, it is too late for me this year. Of course, I've always planned to write a novel, and never done it. So, it really sounds good - having a deadline and others who suffer.

So, see you there next year!

Quizzzz Time!!

via profgrrrrl

Hooray! It's quiz time again! Answering such questions makes me feel smart again! Only the choice between one, two and three makes me feel in control again.

Here I go!

MMMMhhh.. now I feel better. I guess I will get up empty the bin.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004


I had an awful presentation at the Very Small Conference.
Has my brain vanished completely? Is it gone?
Will it ever come back?

Everyone must think now that I am a complete idiot.
I was quite depressed about it, now my mood changed to anger about myself. Why am I so stupid?

I thought the best thing to do is to go on working. But I'm still feeling awful.

I even chatted with My Mr Perfect today for 15 mins on the phone. Normally, I would be happy and excited that he called me. Today not even this could cheer me up.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004


I'm making my last preparations for the Very Small Conference next week end. I'm quite busy.

I was wondering what this National Novel Writing Month is. I'll find out when the conference is over.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Party Horror

I was at a party yesterday. I had to go there. Didn't want to. Thought I might not like it.

And - I tell ya - I didn't like it. It was an awful evening, just wasted time. I should have gone to the theatre instead.

Ok, stop the bad thoughts about horror evenings and horror people. Make a new FUN list.
1) Go to the theatre with VerySexyActor
2) Go to classical concert
3) Read 800 pages novel
4) Go to museum
5) Call Artist Friend
6) Call OldFriend

Remember: Don't meet any "friends" that only get on my nerves.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Fun Day

Today was Fun Day.

I went to the movies. I saw Shark Tale. It was fun, indeed. I liked it a lot better than Finding Nemo. Maybe the graphics was more expensive in Finding Nemo, but who cares if the story is just so political correct that it sucks all the way to the end of the movie? I really liked the sharks. They looked great, such huge cheeks and those tiny sharp teeth.

I was in a cinema at the mall, so I went shopping afterwards. Got a new bag (pink), boots and some clothes.

Now I'm very happy and deeply satisfied. I even answered an email containing a stupid question of a student. Why can't people use dictionaries?

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

and now

And now, I'm done, finished that chapter, gave it to Supervisor. Now, I can't stop thinking about it. 100 things ro read and 100 things to check come to my mind. I'm supposed to have some fun now, but I'm just to tired. Don't want to read a novel. Don't want to paint a picture. Don't want to call a friend.

I want food, but all the shops are closed already. Gotta wait till tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

My Mr Perfect

Dear profgrrrrl, just because you asked.....

My Mr Perfect is a guy whom I really, really love. Unfortunately, he is not my boyfriend.
Apart from that tiny disadvantage, he has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They are glowing and shining. When I look into his eyes the world surrounding me vanishes.

His voice is so soft, it soothes me in a way nothing else does. If I'm worried or nervous I just gotta talk to him for 5 mins and everything is fine again. Just because the way his voice sounds, not beacuse of what he's saying.

I guess the most important point is that I absolutely and completely trust him in every respect. There are not many people around whom I trust.

Have I mentioned his smell? He smells quite strong. So if you're in a room with him, after a couple of minutes his smell gets into my brain and turns it off. He smells so good. Familiar. Male. Home.

Ok, this is just not rational, so I can't give any reasons what's so great about him. Of course, he's polite, gentle, well-bread. We can have interesting conversations. He has a job and earns his own money etc. But what counts is that he is THE PERFECT GUY for me.

Monday, November 01, 2004

Time for another list

I'm sitting in my messy apartment and I am woooooooohhhoooorking. So, it's time for another list, a FUN list. Things to think of that will make me very happy once I'm finished here.

1) Go to the movies
2) Go to my favourite bar and listen to a concert
3) Go to the theatre
4) Go to the public library, literature section
5) Buy shoes
6) Visit OldFriend and listen to his records
7) Play computer games excessively
8) Paint a picture
9) Put plants into new pots
10) Get some new scores for the cello
11) Go to hairdresser
12) Go to a cafe with NeighbourGirl
13) Read another 800 pages novel


I am getting fat again. I bought cookies last week, almost finished them. And had chocolate today. And an apple pie.

For tomorrow: Eat less. Eat less. Eat less.
Do more exercise. Run. Swim. Run.

Reason: I'm sort of working and feeling under pressure.
I need FUN. Haven't seen that movie yet, wanted to do this some 2 weeks ago. Been to two parties last week ends (-yes- in restaurants!) with loads of YUCK-people.